Hmm!?!? I wonder if you can guess what this post is for??
I'll start...
A man takes his wife out for a Chinese meal. They sit at the table and after 5 or 10 minutes the waiter comes over to take their order. The woman says "I think we will have the Chicken Surprise tonight". "Very good" replies the waiter and he scoots off the kitchen. After 10 minutes of banging and clattering in the kitchen the waiter returns with large pot with a lid on and places it in the middle of the table.
The woman leans over and reaches for the lid of the pot, and just as she's about to lift it, it rises up and 2 little eyes flick from side to side, and then the lid drops shut. The woman turns to her husband as says "did you see that?" The man replies "no, see what?" And with that he too reaches over and just as he's about to lift the lid, the same thing happens again. the eyes flit from side to side, and then lid drops shut again.
The man says, "Hmm there's something not right about this", and he calls the waiter over.
The man says to the waiter, "there's something not right with our food.. every time we go to lift the lid 2 eyes appear. The waiter says, "well what did you order??" ..... "Chicken Surprise" says the man, "Ahhh me sorry says the waiting ............... me brought you Peking Duck"!!!!!
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ReplyDeleteKeeping close to the subject:
An Italian, a Scotsman, and a Chinese fellow were hired at a construction site. The foreman pointed out a huge pile of sand and told the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping." To the Scotsman he said, "You're in charge of shoveling." And to the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies."
He then said, "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that there pile."
The foreman went away for a of couple hours, and, when he returned, the pile of sand was untouched. He asked the Italian, "Why didn't you sweep any of it?" The Italian replied, "I no hava no broom. You said to the Chinese fella that he a wasa in a charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere." Then the foreman turned to the Scotsman and said, "And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile."
The Scotsman replied, "Aye, ye did lad, boot ah couldnay get meself a shoovel! Ye left th' Chinese gadgie in chairge of supplies, boot ah couldnay fin' him either." The foreman was really angry by now and stormed off toward the pile of sand to look for the Chinese guy.
Just then, the Chinese guy jumped out from behind the pile of sand and yelled...
"SUPPLIES!!"
Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea - one called Justin and the other called Christian.
ReplyDeleteThe prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that patrolled the area.
Finally one day Justin said to Christian, "I'm bored and frustrated at being a prawn, I wish I was a shark, then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten..."
As Justin had his mind firmly on becoming a predator, a mysterious cod fish appears and says, "Your wish is granted", and lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark. Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old buddy.
Time went on (as it invariably does...) and Justin found himself becoming bored and lonely as a shark. All his old buddies simply swam away whenever he came close to them. Justin didn't realise that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.
While out swimming alone one day he sees the mysterious cod again and can't believe his luck. Justin figured that the fish could change him back into a prawn.
He begs the cod to change him back so, lo and behold, he is turned back into a prawn. With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes, Justin swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail.
Looking around the gathering at the reef, he searched for his old buddy. "Where's Christian?" he asked.
"He's at home,distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy and became a shark", came the reply. Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he set off to Christian's house.
As he opened the coral gate the memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted, "It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again.
Christian replied "No way man, you'll eat me. You're a shark, the enemy and I'll not be tricked. " Justin cried back "No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed"...(wait for it).... "I've found Cod, I'm a prawn again Christian"
A duck waddles into a bar and hops on a stool. The bartender, irritated, says, "What'll you have?"
ReplyDeleteThe duck says, "Got any pickles?"
The bartender spits and says "We don't have pickles here, We serve drinks. Now get out!"
The duck hops off the stool and waddles out.
The next day, the same duck waddles into the same bar, hops on a stool, looks the bartender in the eye and asks, "Got any pickles?"
The bartender, irritated, says, "I told you yesterday we don't serve pickles here, we serve drinks, now GET OUT!"
The duck hops off the stool and waddles out.
The next days the same duck waddles into the same bar and hops on a stool, looks at the bartender, and asks: "Got any pickles?"
The bartender, infuriated, POUNDS his fist on the bar and yells at the duck. "I told you two times we don't serve pickles here, we serve drinks! If you ask me ONE MORE TIME, I'm going to nail your beak to the bar! NOW GET OUT!"
With that the duck shrugged, hopped off the stool, and waddled out.
The next day, the same duck waddled into the same bar, hopped on a stool, looked the bartender in the eye and asked: "Got any nails?"
The bartender, puzzled, said "No."
The duck then looked him square in the eye and said, "Got any pickles?"